Friday, October 2, 2009
he's arrived
Riley Colton Graham graced us with his presence on September 24, 2009 at 4:10pm. he weighed in at 7lbs. exactly, and 19 inches in length. perfect :)
Friday, September 4, 2009
we're just about there.
the baby can come any day now. Cate's 'dropped' quite a bit and he's been squirming his little head around downstairs so much lately, she's had to stop in her tracks from the pain. she's getting nervous now, and so is Eric. so am i actually. this is going to be an life altering event for me too, but at least i can walk away if i need to! LOL
i think they'll be all right. i really do.
i think they'll be all right. i really do.
Monday, August 17, 2009
i thought he'd be here forever
My Denny died on Monday, August 10, 2009. After fighting that nasty cancer for eight months, he just couldn't fight anymore.
we had so much fun together. the antics, the stunts, the completely silly things we did made me feel so young and alive. we didn't care what anyone thought of the two of us behaving like children, and it was fantastic.
the way he danced! oh my God how i'd laugh. he'd jump right up on the bar and start the goofiest strip tease i'd ever seen in my life, but for him, it worked. the time i sat at one of the tables shaking my head in disbelief stands out in my mind the most. that was the night he not only threw his hat and shirt on my head, i ended up with his pants, belt, and boots. as soon as he went for his drawers i shot him 'the look' and was spared that event. i laugh about that to this day.
once, i told him had the flattest ass i'd ever seen. the next time i saw him he immediately turned around, dropped his pants and announced to the entire bar 'does my ass look flat in these jeans?'. i could have slapped him, but i was laughing too hard.
people used to tell me he was always showing off for me, and that he'd light right up as soon as i walked into a room, or they'd say 'the way he looks at you! why aren't you two together?' to which i'd simply shrug. you see, these things i never saw. i only saw Denny, my friend, my buddy. the New Years Eve he stood before me and said "sometimes the thing you're looking for is standing right in front of you" i didn't know what to say. i thought he was talking about something that happened at another party he'd been at and was trying to tell me he screwed up with some woman he'd been chasing. it took me a few minutes to realize he meant me, but by then it was too late. that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
when he showed up at a benefit for a mutual friend of ours last December, i took one look at him and asked what was wrong. he was so thin! we hadn't seen each other in quite some time so we sat at a table and he told me about losing his sight sometimes, and how much his head hurt. he'd had some seizures too, so i begged him to go to the doctor. he began to cry a little, and i held him. then he sobbed because he said he knew he was dying but was too afraid to have it confirmed. three days later they found the brain tumor.
people ask if i was in love with him. i think i may have been at one point, but i pushed it aside for many reasons i still can't bring up to this day. and now he's gone and there's nothing i can do about it anyway.
i feel so empty. so terribly empty.
we had so much fun together. the antics, the stunts, the completely silly things we did made me feel so young and alive. we didn't care what anyone thought of the two of us behaving like children, and it was fantastic.
the way he danced! oh my God how i'd laugh. he'd jump right up on the bar and start the goofiest strip tease i'd ever seen in my life, but for him, it worked. the time i sat at one of the tables shaking my head in disbelief stands out in my mind the most. that was the night he not only threw his hat and shirt on my head, i ended up with his pants, belt, and boots. as soon as he went for his drawers i shot him 'the look' and was spared that event. i laugh about that to this day.
once, i told him had the flattest ass i'd ever seen. the next time i saw him he immediately turned around, dropped his pants and announced to the entire bar 'does my ass look flat in these jeans?'. i could have slapped him, but i was laughing too hard.
people used to tell me he was always showing off for me, and that he'd light right up as soon as i walked into a room, or they'd say 'the way he looks at you! why aren't you two together?' to which i'd simply shrug. you see, these things i never saw. i only saw Denny, my friend, my buddy. the New Years Eve he stood before me and said "sometimes the thing you're looking for is standing right in front of you" i didn't know what to say. i thought he was talking about something that happened at another party he'd been at and was trying to tell me he screwed up with some woman he'd been chasing. it took me a few minutes to realize he meant me, but by then it was too late. that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
when he showed up at a benefit for a mutual friend of ours last December, i took one look at him and asked what was wrong. he was so thin! we hadn't seen each other in quite some time so we sat at a table and he told me about losing his sight sometimes, and how much his head hurt. he'd had some seizures too, so i begged him to go to the doctor. he began to cry a little, and i held him. then he sobbed because he said he knew he was dying but was too afraid to have it confirmed. three days later they found the brain tumor.
people ask if i was in love with him. i think i may have been at one point, but i pushed it aside for many reasons i still can't bring up to this day. and now he's gone and there's nothing i can do about it anyway.
i feel so empty. so terribly empty.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
It's getting too close for comfort now..
Cate is due in less then two months, and i really feel she's no where near ready for this. i do see glimmers of hope that she's maturing ever so slightly, but she's still that spoiled brat who wants what she wants, when she wants it. i do believe she's gonna be shell shocked when she comes to the realization it's not just about her anymore. secretly, i'm looking forward to it..hehe.
having a baby in the house again is a bit exciting, scary, and downright inconvenient for my part. i've raised mine, and i already know as soon as she starts asking me to do this and that, i'm gonna get resentful. i know it sounds awful, but it is what it is. thirty years of raising my own (and plus years raising my younger brother) have made me somewhat selfish in regards to "me time". i have plans for the rest of my life that don't involve small babies, dang it. BUT, all this crap i'm talking is just that, because i know as soon as i see him all bets are off. i'm such a sucker >.<
we had a pretty decent sized fire in the kitchen yesterday which was difficult to get under control, but Eric and i managed just nicely as soon as we kicked nervous nelly out. Cate is NOT good under pressure, and was simply screaming and panicking to the point of me not being able to remember where the fire extinguisher was, she was doing my head in that badly.
i worry about this. what will she do if and when the baby has an incident she needs to stay calm for?
maybe i should move out..lol
having a baby in the house again is a bit exciting, scary, and downright inconvenient for my part. i've raised mine, and i already know as soon as she starts asking me to do this and that, i'm gonna get resentful. i know it sounds awful, but it is what it is. thirty years of raising my own (and plus years raising my younger brother) have made me somewhat selfish in regards to "me time". i have plans for the rest of my life that don't involve small babies, dang it. BUT, all this crap i'm talking is just that, because i know as soon as i see him all bets are off. i'm such a sucker >.<
we had a pretty decent sized fire in the kitchen yesterday which was difficult to get under control, but Eric and i managed just nicely as soon as we kicked nervous nelly out. Cate is NOT good under pressure, and was simply screaming and panicking to the point of me not being able to remember where the fire extinguisher was, she was doing my head in that badly.
i worry about this. what will she do if and when the baby has an incident she needs to stay calm for?
maybe i should move out..lol
Friday, May 8, 2009
stupid disease
there i was two days ago, enjoying the ability to walk without limping, not much pain, and feeling good. i felt so good i took a few walks, even though it was at a slow pace. i also never noticed before the sidewalks here are not flat, so i walk with my eyes down to avoid getting on a slant or stepping on rocks, just to make sure my ankles don't bend in a way that will cause a problem later.
that's was all over and done with as of last night. no sleep, incredible pain in my ankles, and woke up to it being worse. why is it anytime i have to see my rheumy this happens? she always sees me in some sort of ridiculous amount of pain or with my joints swollen to epic proportions.
*sigh* let the lecture begin.
that's was all over and done with as of last night. no sleep, incredible pain in my ankles, and woke up to it being worse. why is it anytime i have to see my rheumy this happens? she always sees me in some sort of ridiculous amount of pain or with my joints swollen to epic proportions.
*sigh* let the lecture begin.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter
it's come and gone and i miss my family. it was nice to spend part of the day with Cate but since she's met Eric, i rarely see or talk to her unless she needs something. *sigh*
work is nuts again as we've fired the new girl. she's a bit nuts and it was time, but now we're back to just three. should be loads of fun.
the weather is finally warming up, and i'll be looking forward to spending time outside again rather than being cooped up in this damn apartment. it would be swell not to have to wear a jacket though. one of these days...lol
i feel a road trip coming on too. i need to get out of this place, even for only a little while.
work is nuts again as we've fired the new girl. she's a bit nuts and it was time, but now we're back to just three. should be loads of fun.
the weather is finally warming up, and i'll be looking forward to spending time outside again rather than being cooped up in this damn apartment. it would be swell not to have to wear a jacket though. one of these days...lol
i feel a road trip coming on too. i need to get out of this place, even for only a little while.
Friday, March 27, 2009
enough
with this weather. 19F that feels like 9F, frost on the windows, snow in the forecast on and off through April 5.. screw this. this has been the longest winter i can remember, even though spring officially arrived March 20th. pff, we had a blizzard like storm that day! i can't take no mo'
that stupid dog of Cate's is on my final nerve. he doesn't listen, barks if someone farts in the alley, barks if someone closes a car door across the street, barks if someone in MN burps, barks at the kitten, barks at Dallas, bark bark, BARK. his newest assinine trick is to come to the door to be let in, only to run off. well up yours, asshole, you'll be enjoying some fresh air for the better part of today. we could all use the rest too, bitch.
the kitten can go with him for that matter. she's tearing up my wood work and i'm close to having her declawed. i don't really think it's a nice thing to do, but i can't afford new door frames.
omfg, am one crabby biatch today. o.O
that stupid dog of Cate's is on my final nerve. he doesn't listen, barks if someone farts in the alley, barks if someone closes a car door across the street, barks if someone in MN burps, barks at the kitten, barks at Dallas, bark bark, BARK. his newest assinine trick is to come to the door to be let in, only to run off. well up yours, asshole, you'll be enjoying some fresh air for the better part of today. we could all use the rest too, bitch.
the kitten can go with him for that matter. she's tearing up my wood work and i'm close to having her declawed. i don't really think it's a nice thing to do, but i can't afford new door frames.
omfg, am one crabby biatch today. o.O
Friday, March 20, 2009
where the hell did spring go?! O.o
it's snowing! wtmfh?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
it may be spring
finally, warmth. yesterday got up to 63 and today we're expected to reach 65. i haven't felt this warm since October, and what a relief it is. no jacket, no hat, no gloves..
BUT
i have to go on a serious diet. now that i'm not wearing bulky sweatshirts, i can see how fat i've really gotten!
just one more reason i dislike winter..lol
BUT
i have to go on a serious diet. now that i'm not wearing bulky sweatshirts, i can see how fat i've really gotten!
just one more reason i dislike winter..lol
Friday, March 6, 2009
i survived another week from hell, but i'm glad it's Friday. three whole days off, and i will NOT be answering my phone.
Catie's sonogram came back normal, so thank goodness for that. maybe she'll start eating again. poor kid was petrified, thinking she might have breast cancer at the age of 19. at any rate, all's well, and next week we try again to hear the heartbeat.
she's not doing well with Eric being gone, and the crap his family is putting him through is just making matters worse. they don't want to live in Canada, they want to live here. seems his Mom can't accept that and has made his homecoming miserable. she's been harping on him since Monday, and the poor kid is fit to be tied. Cate's asked if she can go visit for the month of June, and my only reservation is what may happen in regards to the Mom. i shouldn't worry though. my girl has a big mouth and she's not afraid to use it, so i'm sure she'll put the Mom in her place as far as where they'll be living. Eric told his family (and i quote) "my life is in America now. my future wife and child are there, and that's where i want to be, so this conversation is pointless".
go Eric.
Catie's sonogram came back normal, so thank goodness for that. maybe she'll start eating again. poor kid was petrified, thinking she might have breast cancer at the age of 19. at any rate, all's well, and next week we try again to hear the heartbeat.
she's not doing well with Eric being gone, and the crap his family is putting him through is just making matters worse. they don't want to live in Canada, they want to live here. seems his Mom can't accept that and has made his homecoming miserable. she's been harping on him since Monday, and the poor kid is fit to be tied. Cate's asked if she can go visit for the month of June, and my only reservation is what may happen in regards to the Mom. i shouldn't worry though. my girl has a big mouth and she's not afraid to use it, so i'm sure she'll put the Mom in her place as far as where they'll be living. Eric told his family (and i quote) "my life is in America now. my future wife and child are there, and that's where i want to be, so this conversation is pointless".
go Eric.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
this weather sucks. it's too cold to go out, too cold to even think about it in fact. the idea of staying in tonight doesn't do me though, so i may go to a party. i may change my mind about that too. very scattered thoughts today, accompanied by a ton of tension.
Eric leaves Monday, and Catie is tense. she's making ME tense, and being quite the pain in the ass. her mood swings are driving me insane, so i try to avoid confrontations with her, and have no problem with her spending most of her time in her room. i'm sure that will change once Eric leaves, and we'll be right back to the "why can't you stay home?" bullshit. it doesn't make a difference if i'm here or not really, because she'll be on the phone all the time, again. BUT, she wants me here. her control freak nature is getting on my nerves. i have earned the right to go out anytime i choose to, regardless of how guilty she makes me feel, period.
Scott gets under my skin, Duane is a complete ass and has zero business sense, Jason is a putz, and i've had just about enough of everyone.
maybe i should take a nap.
Eric leaves Monday, and Catie is tense. she's making ME tense, and being quite the pain in the ass. her mood swings are driving me insane, so i try to avoid confrontations with her, and have no problem with her spending most of her time in her room. i'm sure that will change once Eric leaves, and we'll be right back to the "why can't you stay home?" bullshit. it doesn't make a difference if i'm here or not really, because she'll be on the phone all the time, again. BUT, she wants me here. her control freak nature is getting on my nerves. i have earned the right to go out anytime i choose to, regardless of how guilty she makes me feel, period.
Scott gets under my skin, Duane is a complete ass and has zero business sense, Jason is a putz, and i've had just about enough of everyone.
maybe i should take a nap.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
i need a new job. i love my job, but i don't love the owner. pretty sad that i haven't gotten paid from Friday because he used that money to go out drinking all week. he'll get his today though. i'm not playing this game. i'll be taking the fares from the next day or two to pay my own self, then i'll be taking my percentage each time i work from now on.
fire me. i dare you.
i'm bored today already. what to do, what to do..
fire me. i dare you.
i'm bored today already. what to do, what to do..
Friday, February 20, 2009
so, we get to hear the baby's heartbeat this coming Thursday. i have to admit, i'm getting a little excited. now it's really real, and i've come to terms with it all. if she has twins though, i'll be leaving the country.
work has been a pain in my rear end the last few weeks, but now that we've fired the guy who was disrupting the flow, things should get a bit better. there was way too much stress involved, and i was getting quite fed up with being the sounding board for all the complaining, so whew.
the men in this town are nearly insane, but a source of entertainment. evidently if you tell someone they're cute, you're automatically dating. if, heaven forbid, you kiss any one of them, you're engaged. i won't even go further with this..lol
i am absolutely looking forward to having three straight days off. i may just go to bed and stay there until Monday.
work has been a pain in my rear end the last few weeks, but now that we've fired the guy who was disrupting the flow, things should get a bit better. there was way too much stress involved, and i was getting quite fed up with being the sounding board for all the complaining, so whew.
the men in this town are nearly insane, but a source of entertainment. evidently if you tell someone they're cute, you're automatically dating. if, heaven forbid, you kiss any one of them, you're engaged. i won't even go further with this..lol
i am absolutely looking forward to having three straight days off. i may just go to bed and stay there until Monday.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
so i went snowmobiling for the first time last friday. i thought i'd hate it, but nope. i LOVED it. at first my friend was going slow, around 35mph. we stopped at a bar to have coffee which is when i informed him he could go a little faster. on the way back he did, close to 60mph, and it was fantastic. of course i couldn't feel my chin for about 45 minutes after the fact and my hair looked like hell, but it was worth it. i almost fell off at one point because we hit a rut in the snow, and i was hanging on with one cheek..lol but i was able to scootch back on without incident. we're going again after the next snowfall.
i've been doing and trying so many more things lately. i'm not sure why, and i don't care why either, i'm just glad i am. at this rate i'll have to change the title of my blog! :D
i've been doing and trying so many more things lately. i'm not sure why, and i don't care why either, i'm just glad i am. at this rate i'll have to change the title of my blog! :D
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
finally
so the holidays are over, and what a relief. unfortunately, winter is upon us, so let the depression begin. it's terribly cold this year, more so than usual, and the snow and ice have been a bit much for my tastes. aside from being dangerously slippery, it's impossible to even go for a walk due to the winds. ive even had to push the dogs outside because they don't want to be out there either..lol this weather is wrecking havoc on my RA to boot, and there are many days i can barely get out of bed, no less shower and get dressed. damn my doctor. she may be right about the methotrexate, but i'm still protesting.
speaking of which, what the hell is up with all these other doctor's lecturing me on what meds i take? they're not my rheumy, so shut it already. i almost blew a gasket when i saw the hand surgeon last week because all he wanted to do was give me lame analogies about what he thinks i should be taking, and never addressed the reason i was there in the first place. shit, i walked out of his office so annoyed, it almost ruined my day. so now i still have a huge ganglion cyst that hurts like a bitch, yet he tells me metho won't make it go away, so wtf do i need to take that crap for? i know they're all sending messages to each other about it, even though i told my rheumy i don't appreciate being ganged up on. what seems to make any doctor think they can pressure me into taking something i don't want to take? they don't know me very well at all. i despise being bullied and i sure as hell don't like being told what to do. jackasses.
anyway, fun times ahead for the next three months.
not.
speaking of which, what the hell is up with all these other doctor's lecturing me on what meds i take? they're not my rheumy, so shut it already. i almost blew a gasket when i saw the hand surgeon last week because all he wanted to do was give me lame analogies about what he thinks i should be taking, and never addressed the reason i was there in the first place. shit, i walked out of his office so annoyed, it almost ruined my day. so now i still have a huge ganglion cyst that hurts like a bitch, yet he tells me metho won't make it go away, so wtf do i need to take that crap for? i know they're all sending messages to each other about it, even though i told my rheumy i don't appreciate being ganged up on. what seems to make any doctor think they can pressure me into taking something i don't want to take? they don't know me very well at all. i despise being bullied and i sure as hell don't like being told what to do. jackasses.
anyway, fun times ahead for the next three months.
not.
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